"Looking for opportunities for growth & education.
As Breast Cancer Awareness Month comes to a close I felt it necessary to end it on a note of hope and strength. Usually people ask me to share my story as they find it inspiring. Don’t get me wrong; it’s a pretty good one but I feel compelled to begin with a story that has nothing to do with cancer. I watched a documentary which featured a variety of film makers. Kim Longinotto was one of them. Her award-winning documentary, The Day I Will Never Forget was featured. I watched footage of this young woman eloquently tell her story of physical mutilation she endured. She spoke of a “pain that left her with no voice” She continued to say “she would never want her friends to endure this.” I burst into tears as I listened. What made it even more powerful was this young woman was not even a teenager.
“My experience suddenly became very small and insignificant.”
As I watched, every cell in my body was vibrating. Her incredibly brave voice penetrated my soul. Beyond the atrocity that still occurs in our world, I was amazed in the strength and determination in this young girl’s eyes. She was part of a movement to stop this grotesque ritual in Kenya. My experience suddenly became very small and insignificant. Once I got over the tears, I reminded myself not to feel pity for this incredible child but instead to feel compassion, respect and absorb her strength. I needed to absorb the fearless power of her message. She was speaking in a universal voice that is deep within us all. It is that true voice that shouts louder than any technology because it comes from a place of resilience and optimism. It is that voice we find when we look beyond our pain and fear. Life threatening is a matter of perception. If we allow it, our pain can become the strength that unites us.
“I felt more disappointment than anger.”
When I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in June of 2006, I was completely overwhelmed as I imagine all people are when they hear those words. I felt more disappointment than anger. I doubted everything I felt confident about. I was in a great place in my life that I was very grateful for. I had a loving husband; two lovely children; great career. I didn’t need the wake up call. How could I burden my family with this? Once I got over the shock, I knew I had to quickly come to terms with this unforeseen direction my life was about to go in. I remember sitting out in my garden staring at the sky trying to make sense of everything. As I sat there, an overwhelming sense of peace and clarity came over me. It was obvious what I needed to do. I decided I was going to look beyond the fear of what I was about to face. I believe in empowering yourself when you are challenged. It is fear that leads us to believe that Cancer treatment is difficult, disfiguring and depressing. In some ways this is true but if we allow ourselves to look beyond that, there is a world of possibilities. Once I did that, I felt a new found strength that I had never experienced before. I was able to connect with a deeper sense of self and intuition to help guide me through this difficult journey. Everything I had learned and experienced in life had lead and prepared me for this moment. There was a hurricane of emotions that I did my best to acknowledge and deal with. After I would shed tears I had earned, I gathered myself and moved on. I had to. This burden was part of the lesson. If I could find strength and confidence in my darkest place, I knew I would reap the rewards once it was over.
“My biggest gift is fearlessness.”
As I begin to move into the next phase of living with cancer, I enjoy the many gifts that have come from this experience. I know now that my husband, Jay, and I can truly overcome anything. My children, Owen and Emma, have watched and learned how to deal with adversity with grace and strength as family and friends unite. I have seen the good in my community which has renewed my faith in humanity. My biggest gift is fearlessness. After your worst nightmare comes true and you come out strong, there is not much else to be afraid of. I have gone through treatment looking for opportunities for growth, education and evolution as a woman and a human being. My journey with cancer has allowed me to experience life on a whole new level. My humble wish is to be able to share my story in a way that I may impact people the same way that beautiful girl from Kenya did me. If we all find our universal voice, we can speak on a deeper level where together we can change the world on all levels. We are all entitled to love, joy, health and happiness. If you wish to continue this conversation, please leave a comment.
Much peace and joy,
Jackie
